Archive for the ‘Service’ Category

So, I have spent the last 60+ hours sick.  Not only have I left work early the last two days, but I also haven’t done anything at home either or been well enough that Master would even think about using me.

So, my question is this…how do you deal with the guilt that you feel when you aren’t being the slave that you are on a typical day? Especially, when it is guilt that you put on yourself, not guilt from your Master.

Master was kind enough to cook dinner last night and unload the dishwasher, along with washing the sheets that our four-legged furbaby soiled when he got sick yesterday morning.  Those are all things that I would normally do and it killed me to watch him do it.  Do I appreciate it, yes – but I always feel as though I’m letting him down.

So, how do you deal with the guilt?

I’m a service whore, honestly! I always have been, even before I knew anything about the lifestyle.
I made it my responsibility to do things for people whenever I possibly could and to the best of my ability.
I sometimes find it to be more of a weakness than a strength, except of course when it comes to Master.
I feel it has been hardest to serve him in a way that makes him proud. I think part of that is retraining myself from many years of a vanilla marriage and a husband that would share responsibility.  I’m fortunate that he is also retraining his viewpoint from that of a vanilla marriage, so its par for the course.

As I learn more and more about myself and the lifestyle, I find more and more ways to define submission types and this is just another one of those areas.  I think for the most part, Dom’s either want to micromanage or to be served in an anticipatory nature.  Sure those are the far left and far right extremes and most people are going to fall somewhere between the two.  I also think that submissives either prefer to serve while being micro managed or prefer to anticipate the needs of their Dom, and will fall closer to one or the other.  Of course, that is for those submissives that actually want to serve – I’ve met my fair share of submissives that aren’t interested in service at all, which I don’t understand and can’t appreciate – so we aren’t going to talk about those! (That’s a whole other topic for a whole other day, and by the way – also a deal breaker to those that might be interested in being involved with Master and I)

Micromanagement is defined as management or control with excessive attention to minor details.  While this definition in and of itself, doesn’t seem out of the context of any typical M/s D/s relationship, I don’t feel that it describes each and every M/s D/s relationship. Micromanagement truly does show that the Dom is in control and reminds the submissive of this purely by the nature of how interactions occur. However, the amount of energy and effort it takes to micromanage another can be exhausting and frustrating.  I understand some Doms enjoy this interaction, making it very easy to keep a submissive in their place and also provides ample opportunity to discipline when direction is not followed exactly.

On the other hand, anticipatory service is more about foreseeing the needs of your Dom and tending to them in advance without direction.  I think this type of service can very easily be misinterpreted if presented in the wrong way as “topping from the bottom” and to that end, one must be very careful in the manner in which you provide such service. However, I believe that anticipatory service relieves the Dom from the task of controlling every single minute of every single day that a submissive is in service to them. It is my opinion that relieving the Dom of such mundane tasks that you free them up to enjoy you and your service, and perhaps even allowing more time for play.

Some might say that I’m not a “twue” slave if I’m not giving up complete control of everything, and since I’m not of the micromanagement mindset some would say I’m not giving up complete control.  I must say I don’t agree, my Master has absolutely NO desire to micromanage me.  Yes, he gives me tasks and its up to me to execute and complete those tasks in a manner that I see fit so long as it is effective and efficient. In my relationship, anticipatory service is the most rewarding to us both – I can anticipate his needs, which that alone makes me happy but then I usually get praised more frequently, which is important to me. He also is having needs met, that he might not have otherwise asked for, and without the added effort of asking it of me and then tending to all the minor details too.

Truth be told, I believe that you learn a lot about the psyche of a submissive by seeing how they handle themselves when they are not partnered.  If a submissive has a hard time keeping order in their lives when they are without a Dom, they have micromanagement tendencies. If a submissive is capable of taking care of business, with or without a Dom – they are more inclined to anticipatory service.   I also tend to believe that you can see a correlation with micromanagement and age play – I’d say that Daddy/Mommy Doms are more likely to enjoy micromanagement and those seeking a Daddy/Mommy are more interested in micromanagement.

This topic has been on my mind as of late, so I just wanted to put words to paper (sort of). What I have said above deals directly with day-to-day interactions and not to a particular scene or play time.  This is how we live 24/7, how I like it and most importantly how Master likes it. That having been said, I do enjoy being required to do things exactly as has been requested of me, punished when I don’t follow those directions, etc during play time.  My desire to please makes me want to do things with perfection, but because I’m used to my own idea of perfection on a day-to-day basis, when my idea of perfection and Masters idea of perfection don’t match during play – his punishment, ridicule, humiliation and degradation all make me feel as though I have failed him in some way. But at the same time, it makes my pussy throb and cunt juices begin leaking from me when he treats me in such a way.  Granted, the only examples I can think of deal with him giving me direct orders about sexual acts – so, perhaps this shouldn’t even count. 😉

Now, what I didn’t mention was what I enjoy when my Domme side comes out and while I’m still exploring myself a lot in that regard I would say that I actually have a tendency to fall closer to the micromanagement side of the spectrum – however, I could never handle micromanaging every second of every day – I want a submissive with a brain that can think for herself, but do so with respect and with an attitude of submission.

So, anyway – more “grey area” that leaves lots of room for discussion and debate. I don’t really want to debate my thoughts with anyone, but I’d love to see some discussion on the topic or perhaps just your thoughts or ideas.