Archive for the ‘Emotions’ Category

Seduce Me

Posted: November 11, 2010 in Bisexual, Emotions, Non-monogamy, Random, Role Play, Swinging

My sex drive can be something like a roller coaster, lots of highs and lows and nothing substantial in between.

The only thing I’ve discovered is that there is an inverse relationship between my sex drive and stress.  High stress levels equates to little or no sex drive.

Well, the last couple of weeks have been nothing but high stress.  Work demands have been chaotic and unpredictable.  Personally, I’m in the sprint to finish 3 exams in the next 3 months with the nearest one being in 9 days.   Master and I have been less than loving with one another. My body is fighting against me – everything hurts.  Blah, blah and blah…

Anyway, I’ve said all this to say – I want NEED to be seduced.  I want to be able to forget about mundane life for an evening. To go out, have dinner and/or drinks, and be seduced in such a way that I feel sexy and desired – something like that sure would go a long way in getting my sex drive back on track.

That is all… k, thanks!




Family Sucks…

Posted: October 21, 2010 in Emotions, Family

I got a letter from my mom yesterday…

I haven’t quite processed all my emotions about it just yet.  I didn’t respond to her email over a year ago, and now I feel obligated  to speak my peace.  I’m just not sure what I want to say just yet…

It’s funny how time can change things – over  a year ago when I opened her email while I was on vacation (yeah, I know – spare me the lecture of checking email while on vacation!)  The emotions that went raging through me are nearly impossible to describe – but needless to say it impacted me so much that we chose to come home from vacation a day earlier than planned. *sigh*

So, now I read this letter on my way to work on Wednesday morning…  10/20/10.  I’m wearing purple in support of the lives lost to anti LGBT bullying – Spirit Day.  And at that moment, even though I felt all sorts of emotions – I simply didn’t care.  I didn’t care what she said, what excuses she had or anything else.  I just didn’t/don’t care.   Why should I?   I’ve come to terms with the fact that many don’t accept me for who I am, family included.  That’s their problem, not mine.  So, why stress?

Master read the letter last night and he said something that I hadn’t even caught… she talked about how I would become more accepting of people and open to who they are as I got older.  SERIOUSLY? Did she really say that to me? Does she not remember that she was the one giving me the third degree about the lifestyle choices I make?  REALLY? I need to be more accepting – hmmm, funny I don’t think ANYONE that actually knows me would EVER say something even remotely similar to that.  How can someone who raised me to be accepting of others live the opposite of what she taught?

Anyway, I know many of you read my blog for my more erotic posts but since this directly relates to me and my lifestyle choices – I thought it might be okay to rant…  hope you don’t mind.

So, I have spent the last 60+ hours sick.  Not only have I left work early the last two days, but I also haven’t done anything at home either or been well enough that Master would even think about using me.

So, my question is this…how do you deal with the guilt that you feel when you aren’t being the slave that you are on a typical day? Especially, when it is guilt that you put on yourself, not guilt from your Master.

Master was kind enough to cook dinner last night and unload the dishwasher, along with washing the sheets that our four-legged furbaby soiled when he got sick yesterday morning.  Those are all things that I would normally do and it killed me to watch him do it.  Do I appreciate it, yes – but I always feel as though I’m letting him down.

So, how do you deal with the guilt?


Posted: June 22, 2010 in Emotions, Poems and Lyrics

When you cry upon a pillow
Or tears fall down a cheek
It’s just emotions overflowing
Not a sign of being weak
We show emotions in different ways
We can often lose control
We cry of memories cherished
The ones in my heart and soul
So when I cry I’m not ashamed
It’s not a thing I try to hide
Teardrops flow when I feel pain
Why keep it bottled inside

Author Unknown

I am feeling a lot of emotions right now, some that I am not sure I am ready to share  and some that will be shared in the coming hours and days.

To those that have asked, everything is fine.  Yes, we left Saturday evening after the hand-fasting ceremony but before we made it to open play in the dungeon. No, we didn’t tell anyone we were leaving and made the conscious decision to do so.  Yes, we missed saying goodbye to some very important people that we might not see again for quite some time – and we are regretful that happened.

Uncomfortably Numb

Posted: May 28, 2010 in Emotions

Just how I’m feeling today…

Only two of you know directly why, a few can probably guess why…

I need a release more than ever before, and sadly I’ll probably be in the presence of the person who can give it to me next weekend.
BUT, I don’t think He will honor me with that opportunity.

I’m not strong enough for this!