Archive for the ‘Dominance’ Category

Day 1: Dom, sub, switch? What Parts of BDSM Interest You? Give us an interesting in-depth definition of what that means to you. Basically define your kinky self.

In the simplest of ways to label me, I’m a switch.  But, as with any label that comes with MANY nuances. It’s for this reason that I generally dislike the use of labels.

In my primary relationship, I identify as a slave.  We have been in an M/s relationship since August of 2009, however we’ve been married since October 2000.
If I was to say I’m a “no limit” slave as most would expect me to say, that would be wrong.  I have never been expected to give over all of my decision-making, to have no limits, etc.  However, I do believe if my Master expected that of me (which he does not) that I would be willing and able to do so.

Outside of my primary relationship is where the “switchiness” comes into play.  I’m VERY much a masochist and enjoy being on the receiving end of pain.  My masochism is something that doesn’t play a huge role in my M/s relationship so I primarily fulfill that need through other play partners. I can also identify as a bottom or even submissive, dependent on play style and partner. On the flip side of the coin I can also identify as sadist, Top or Dominant. I have a growing fondness of sissy boys and CBT.  I do play with women too – and that style of play can range from sensual to sadistic.

On a side note: I also identify as bisexual.  In my eyes, bisexual means I am capable of having relationships with either a man or a woman.  For me, this label is more than just sexual preference.  While my primary relationship is heterosexual, I believe I am fully capable of having a relationship with a women – and would love to find a woman who I find compatible to explore that with.

Other labels I use to describe myself include swinger and polyamourous.  And no, I don’t use these terms interchangeably like some tend to do.  Although, a recently coined term I find most suitable would be polyfuckery… I like it! Define it however you choose!

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So, I have spent the last 60+ hours sick.  Not only have I left work early the last two days, but I also haven’t done anything at home either or been well enough that Master would even think about using me.

So, my question is this…how do you deal with the guilt that you feel when you aren’t being the slave that you are on a typical day? Especially, when it is guilt that you put on yourself, not guilt from your Master.

Master was kind enough to cook dinner last night and unload the dishwasher, along with washing the sheets that our four-legged furbaby soiled when he got sick yesterday morning.  Those are all things that I would normally do and it killed me to watch him do it.  Do I appreciate it, yes – but I always feel as though I’m letting him down.

So, how do you deal with the guilt?

Got your attention? Good!

So, here’s the quick and dirty background important to this post:

  • Approximately 14 months ago, an event was held with classes organized by yours truly. One class in particular, taught by Min and Eric was on Fisting and Female Ejaculation (You can see their resources HERE).
  • I discovered approximately a year and a half ago that I’m quite the masochist, at which time I only carried the label of Switch (Top/bottom). I had yet to submit to anyone and I was not my Master’s slave. (We were husband and wife though)
  • Approximately 1 year ago, I became the slave of my Master.
  • Periodically over this period of time, Master and I have tried to play in an S/M nature, but he is no sadist and my mind interprets any act of sadism from him as punishment – we mutually agreed that I needed to fulfill my masochistic tendencies with other play partners.
  • Periodically since the Fisting and Female Ejaculation class, Master has tried to make me squirt – the closest I’ve ever been was in front of a room full of people at our local swingers club, Trapeze.

Fast forward to now…

Just the other day, I mentioned to Master that I would like to attempt S/M play again. My imagination has been in overdrive on all sorts of things and I wanted to explore some of those thoughts.  The caveat to this newest attempt at S/M play was that I wanted to try it during sex.  I feel the most “submissive” and “slave like” when he is using me for his pleasure and I wanted to explore my deepest submissive feelings and intertwine them with S/M.

Enter the AM of Saturday morning.

I remember the question vividly,
Do you want to try, he asked?
Yes Sir, I replied.
I almost wish he hadn’t asked,
but this was crossing a hard limit
so, he reconfirmed my desire.
I was stretched across the bed, on all fours;
ass perched high in the air,
cunt aching to feel him penetrate me.
He left me there,vulnerable.
When he returned, I didn’t dare open my eyes;
I didn’t need to know how he’d strike me,
I just needed to know he was going to.
I made a wish at this moment,
please let this work;
I NEED this to work.
He entered me slowly,
my senses already heightened,
I could nearly feel his heartbeat from deep within me;
the pulse of his raging hard on beating like a drum.
He paused there, savoring the moment,
perhaps even questioning the potential outcome.
He struck me, a familiar sensation;
he continued, his strikes being occasionally met by a thrust of his hips.
I pushed back against him, murmurs and moans escaping my lips,
a smirk crosses my lips when I realize the frequency of his strikes.
I’d broken through the barrier, not a single tear was shed from my eyes;
instead I was blissfully enjoying every second of it.
My back arched to meet the strike of his quirt, my hips rocked to meet his thrust,
even the strike of his bare hand was sending shock waves through me.
At some point, everything around me faded leaving only Master and myself;
and a puddle on the sheets.

That puddle on the sheets means more than anyone could ever possibly imagine!
Thank you, Sir!

(This picture is *NOT* me – I wish my puddle had been that big, but I’m happy with the results regardless!)

Domme Dilemma

Posted: August 18, 2010 in Bisexual, Dominance, Random, Submission

A question came across my formspring account recently, asking what type of submissive I wanted.  I answered the question based on both Master and myself being in the dynamic, because I genuinely think that is the only dynamic Master would consider.  But, as I think a little more on the subject I realize that Master may not necessarily have to be “in” the dynamic, but would rather be on the sidelines – perhaps only indulging in the relationship on occasion.

The more I thought about this idea, the more I realized how much the thought really made sense and also turned me on.  It has been hard to find a woman who would be interested in serving both Master and myself, the constant worry of pleasing not only one but two different people could prove to be too much for even a seasoned submissive.  Communication between all parties could also prove challenging – especially since Master and I communicate so very differently, as we discovered recently with a submissive that was under our consideration.

Could it be easier to find a female submissive to serve a female Domme? Could that submissive consider allowing the addition of a Dom to the picture on occasion, be it for s/m play or sexual play?  Would a submissive find it hard to submit to a Domme, who is also a slave – or would that be considered a positive character trait – perhaps having a more intricate understanding of what submission is?

These are the things I ponder, especially when I want so desperately to keep the company of another woman on a fairly regular basis.

I will rape your flesh

you will scream

I will inseminate you with My control

you are mine

I will desecrate your body

you will try to escape and I will drag you back

I will pull you by your hair

you will cower in humiliation

I will ravage you from behind

you will whimper in pleading despair

I will crawl across your skin

you will feel Me, heat radiating from inside your sex

I will push you over the edge, between fantasy and reality

you will be left speechless

I will be whatever demon you imagine Me to be

you will worship the Demon, you will worship Me

I will be your Master

you will be my slave

I’m a service whore, honestly! I always have been, even before I knew anything about the lifestyle.
I made it my responsibility to do things for people whenever I possibly could and to the best of my ability.
I sometimes find it to be more of a weakness than a strength, except of course when it comes to Master.
I feel it has been hardest to serve him in a way that makes him proud. I think part of that is retraining myself from many years of a vanilla marriage and a husband that would share responsibility.  I’m fortunate that he is also retraining his viewpoint from that of a vanilla marriage, so its par for the course.

As I learn more and more about myself and the lifestyle, I find more and more ways to define submission types and this is just another one of those areas.  I think for the most part, Dom’s either want to micromanage or to be served in an anticipatory nature.  Sure those are the far left and far right extremes and most people are going to fall somewhere between the two.  I also think that submissives either prefer to serve while being micro managed or prefer to anticipate the needs of their Dom, and will fall closer to one or the other.  Of course, that is for those submissives that actually want to serve – I’ve met my fair share of submissives that aren’t interested in service at all, which I don’t understand and can’t appreciate – so we aren’t going to talk about those! (That’s a whole other topic for a whole other day, and by the way – also a deal breaker to those that might be interested in being involved with Master and I)

Micromanagement is defined as management or control with excessive attention to minor details.  While this definition in and of itself, doesn’t seem out of the context of any typical M/s D/s relationship, I don’t feel that it describes each and every M/s D/s relationship. Micromanagement truly does show that the Dom is in control and reminds the submissive of this purely by the nature of how interactions occur. However, the amount of energy and effort it takes to micromanage another can be exhausting and frustrating.  I understand some Doms enjoy this interaction, making it very easy to keep a submissive in their place and also provides ample opportunity to discipline when direction is not followed exactly.

On the other hand, anticipatory service is more about foreseeing the needs of your Dom and tending to them in advance without direction.  I think this type of service can very easily be misinterpreted if presented in the wrong way as “topping from the bottom” and to that end, one must be very careful in the manner in which you provide such service. However, I believe that anticipatory service relieves the Dom from the task of controlling every single minute of every single day that a submissive is in service to them. It is my opinion that relieving the Dom of such mundane tasks that you free them up to enjoy you and your service, and perhaps even allowing more time for play.

Some might say that I’m not a “twue” slave if I’m not giving up complete control of everything, and since I’m not of the micromanagement mindset some would say I’m not giving up complete control.  I must say I don’t agree, my Master has absolutely NO desire to micromanage me.  Yes, he gives me tasks and its up to me to execute and complete those tasks in a manner that I see fit so long as it is effective and efficient. In my relationship, anticipatory service is the most rewarding to us both – I can anticipate his needs, which that alone makes me happy but then I usually get praised more frequently, which is important to me. He also is having needs met, that he might not have otherwise asked for, and without the added effort of asking it of me and then tending to all the minor details too.

Truth be told, I believe that you learn a lot about the psyche of a submissive by seeing how they handle themselves when they are not partnered.  If a submissive has a hard time keeping order in their lives when they are without a Dom, they have micromanagement tendencies. If a submissive is capable of taking care of business, with or without a Dom – they are more inclined to anticipatory service.   I also tend to believe that you can see a correlation with micromanagement and age play – I’d say that Daddy/Mommy Doms are more likely to enjoy micromanagement and those seeking a Daddy/Mommy are more interested in micromanagement.

This topic has been on my mind as of late, so I just wanted to put words to paper (sort of). What I have said above deals directly with day-to-day interactions and not to a particular scene or play time.  This is how we live 24/7, how I like it and most importantly how Master likes it. That having been said, I do enjoy being required to do things exactly as has been requested of me, punished when I don’t follow those directions, etc during play time.  My desire to please makes me want to do things with perfection, but because I’m used to my own idea of perfection on a day-to-day basis, when my idea of perfection and Masters idea of perfection don’t match during play – his punishment, ridicule, humiliation and degradation all make me feel as though I have failed him in some way. But at the same time, it makes my pussy throb and cunt juices begin leaking from me when he treats me in such a way.  Granted, the only examples I can think of deal with him giving me direct orders about sexual acts – so, perhaps this shouldn’t even count. 😉

Now, what I didn’t mention was what I enjoy when my Domme side comes out and while I’m still exploring myself a lot in that regard I would say that I actually have a tendency to fall closer to the micromanagement side of the spectrum – however, I could never handle micromanaging every second of every day – I want a submissive with a brain that can think for herself, but do so with respect and with an attitude of submission.

So, anyway – more “grey area” that leaves lots of room for discussion and debate. I don’t really want to debate my thoughts with anyone, but I’d love to see some discussion on the topic or perhaps just your thoughts or ideas.

She’s in control, or so she believes,

but He knows different

Just as she approaches her slippery wet climax,

He will remove her from Him

she begs Him for permission to orgasm,

and He leaves her there

the last words off his tongue

“you don’t deserve it”